Seesawing and Corona Virus

Is it Cheer up Buttercup or It’s my Party and I can cry if I want to?

First of all, John Prine is in critical condition. John Prine.

I don’t live in Nashville anymore but I grew up there from 1977-1998. And when I was living there and got old enough to taste freedom and what I thought was adulthood ” a driver’s license” Lightning 100 came on the scene. It was and maybe still is a hell pf a radio station. I remember Mr. Prine or the Bodeans. Lightning 100 woke me up to folk and bluegrass being accessible and mixing with country and rock.

Sorry- I got side tracked. But I mean John Prine means something to us. His music has soothed me and let me feel real sadness.

Corona Virus is seriously making me reconsider how to behave in the world. I am adapting.

Actually- to be honest I have some questions.

  1. Is it true that if you or your child is hospitalized with COVID19, that you have to be hospitalized alone? So if Mim got sick, would she stay in the children’s hospital alone? That doesn’t seem right. Anybody know the real answer.
  2. If you live in a condo with 4 children who are partly grown, is it acceptable to go on a trail that is not populated and walk around or wade in a creek? Given that there will be no stops for gas or snacks. And no close encounters with anyone. 6 feet apart at least.

I don’t understand why so many people leave town. I hear their justifications. I understand our individual circumstances. I want to stay in Atlanta to be near Children’s Hospital of Atlanta. Mim does not have any high risk characteristics or symptoms. But just in case, I think CHOA will be well prepared for her.

https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2020/03/dont-even-think-about-leaving-new-york-city/608884/

Up and Down. I definitely seesaw up and down with my emotions but also with my commitment to quarantine. One minute, everyone in this house is staying home all day. The next minute- everyone go outside we are walking around the block. Mim and I go for rides through Atlanta neighborhoods letting Frida and Linus hang their heads out the car windows. I actually fear that we will have a car accident on one of our aimless drives and then we will cause people to come in contact with us or we will have to go to the ER for a broken arm or stitches.

I only go to my one grocery store because i think that is limiting the people we come in contact with, If Mim has to go with me, I make her sit in the cart. But she touches the groceries I put in the car and then she incessantly bites her fingertips and I cram my pleas to stop back down my throat because it is impossible for her to stop while anxious. If I fuss or suggest she stop, it increases her worry and the intensity of the biting. A negative feedback cycle.

I tell her we can’t eat the groceries in the store because we need to go home and wash our hands first. She accidentally holds her bag of jelly beans in her teeth as she looks for the penny she found in the parking lot. Taking children out of the house at all- is fraught with danger or at least possible Corona.

Maybe we are carriers. Who knows. Maybe we are infecting people as we place our groceries on the conveyor belt for the cashier.

So obviously, I’m a mixed up mess and yet, I am coping really well and have not even yelled today.

I did take an 90 minute nap and I got take out BBQ that I can’t actually afford and I finished the Tiger King Netflix show. But I read a book so maybe that cancels out some of the negatives.

‘Tiger King’ Ranks as TV’s Most Popular Show Right Now, According to Rotten Tomatoes
I’ve read this series and I have cherished every word. I totally recommend it for anyone ages 9-100. Kate DiCamillo writes her words dearly and sometimes sparsely. She fills my heart with every emotion. Kinda like John Prine’s songs.

I have an innate need to be cheery and look on the bright side of things- which leads me to feel guilty when in an undeniably sad situation or an unequivocally scary situation evokes those big emotions. I remind myself it is okay to feel my feelings. Some of us fear that if we feel sad, we will fall in a sadness pit and never get out. But it is more like floating clouds or a feelings parade. We can feel them and they will pass. I find music to help me.
Let’s use music to feel our feelings. We can really do this. We can feel our sadness and scary and desperation and fear and we can sing it loud and feel the depths of it and let is settle in our souls and when we are read we can move in to the next moment.

Some songs to feel our pain- definitely Angel from Montgomery at the beginning of this post.

Lets’ see—
I feel this one passionately.
Ohhh Tracy.
Let those tears flow.
Or you can yell and holler.
Feelings. Gotta have them. Stuffing them doesn’t work.

Please. Oh, Please. Tell me your songs that allow you to feel those big feelings.

I love you.

Stay safe. Wash your hands and stay home- Wait. I can’t say that because I took the kids on a hike in an empty forest by a creek/ drainage ditch. So stay away. But text us and check in and make sure you are safe. I miss you.

3 Comments

  1. alysonearnest

    Martee…..

    Here is what I know for (almost) certain about your question about going out. Yes – you can go outside and breathe and live and move. Here is the resource that backs this up: https://vimeo.com/399733860 It’s long and repetitive – “follow the rules” – and his message seems to be very simple to comprehend. It also answers your question about hospital visits. Listen. It will empower you. ❤️

    Another video I watched last week was VERY helpful and validating for me. If you haven’t seen it yet, I hope you tune in. https://www.ted.com/talks/susan_david_how_to_be_your_best_self_in_times_of_crisis

    We are doing this! We have so much to look forward to. 🙌🙏🌈🙏

    xo alyson

    >

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Susan Greco

    You blog cheered me up a bit and I’ve added your songs to my Soothes the Soul playlist. Thank you. A few songs I like: 1) Dar Williams, The beauty of the rain. 2) Stevie Nicks, Silent Night (Christmas song but who cares?) 3) Yo Yo Ma, Cello Suite No. 1 in G major 4) Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah

    Be well.

    PS I will be walking past your home every weekday in April starting Wednesday on my way to Emory for RT. Perhaps one morning we can time it such that we can wave and raise our coffee cups. It will be around 8:45am or so. xo

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s