US magazine :(

What is better than people watching and a magazine when waiting at the airport?

The Savannah airport is tons easier than the Atlanta airport, so relaxing might be an option. Mim and I hugged George at the security gate empty zig zagging path. He is flying to Maine to kayak with his dad. He returns in a few days to get back on a plane to Oregon. I believe these two trips are in response to George saying that he can’t picture going to college in Germany because it is so far from me. His dad was self congratulatory when he pointed out to me that George is worried about leaving me, noting some fatal flaws in my parenting. Chad highly values independence and leaving home.

Mim and I waited out the time from when George entered the security line and when he would text that he made it through security with out a driver’s license or passport by looking around the obligatory airport gift shop. She wanted candy. I wanted a magazine. I haven’t been buying magazines at the grocery store lately because the prices of the decorating or positive mantra ones are sky high- like $12.95. I was pretty sure that I could splurge on an US magazine. Years ago I frequently read US but I stopped knowing who the current tv stars were and I got bored with who was wearing what dress. I still love knowing the names of the babies of the famous. I have a name obsession- Zelda, Apple, Blue, Birdie, Tennessee and etc.

{Quick game- Who can name all the famous people who parent the above listed adorable babies who are now at least half grown? Get them all correct in the comments and I will mail you a tiny treat or give you recognition on the blog, whichever you prefer.}

Mim picked a large bag of sour Now or Laters which I pointed out was spicy and that she hates spicy candy. She settled on Mentos. I was this close to buying US but I couldn’t. The cover was tantalizing. It was about Scientology which I had a small obsession about- not a big obsession like the baby names. Big photo of Leah Remini looking so cool and wise and then Tom Cruise and Kirstie Alley with smaller photos shopped in. Fresh after my divorce, I watched the Leah Remini Scientology show on Netflix and I even bought some episodes on Itunes. I read her book which I borrowed from a teacher friend, who I would gossip with about the traps of Scientology at every chance available. And I dove in head first to understanding the evils of the cult and the scandals of it’s top members. Who knows- if David S. gets a hold of my blog and reads it, I could be on the enemy list and receive death threats and get trapped on their anti-cruise ship. The world of Scientology is unbelievable and made me feel like I hadn’t messed up that bad after all. Nothing like reading about another’s trauma to let you know- We all survive. We can make it through really awful stuff. Well, technically, they never found David’s wife that Leah was good friends with but in general, most of us will live through lots of terrible days and come out ok.

I’m waiting in line while some guys buy gum and those weird wrap around your neck velour travel pillows and Mim is touching and picking up every item that looks remotely breakable such as sparkly glass octopus paper weights for 16 dollars and I am excited about my US magazine and reading about Leah trampling the bad guys of Scientology and reuniting families. When I see it.

I had seen it when I first picked up the magazine but I had told myself to pretend that it wasn’t there. In the corner of the cover of the magazine, a photo of two women in swimsuits. Yep. And it said something utterly ridiculous like beach body ready and FAST. Well- US magazine why don’t you just pass out eating disorder triggers with every copy because that is what you are doing!!! Oh God. I mean I haven’t picked up a magazine in a while but this is stupid. And women- is it you falling for this insane advice from idiots in a magazine? Are more women buying a magazine that claims to be able to shrink you? Fast? Are we still this stupid? Hmm. I mean it could be men. Definitely fair game but it was a photo of two female stars so IDK. So aggravating. I begrudgingly put it back in it’s plexiglass case on the counter. Mim asked Why. I said it was talking about bad stuff for eating disorders. I’m still a little sad about not getting to flip through the frivolous pages of people I no longer know or care about and finally reach the pages of gold about Leah and her take down of Scientology. Good triumphs over evil and all that righteous stuff.

My friend Nora told me a great story to remember when you are worried that possibly you are the most messed up person in the universe. She was working with this fairly inept teacher at the high school and they got to school one winter morning and the teacher ran up to her in the hallway and said, “I forgot to put my pants on. Can you cover my class for first period so I can go home and get my pants?” And from then on the bar is set LOW. Super low. I mean, she didn’t join Scientology and commit to a thousand years of servitude but she did show up to work with only her shirt and underwear under her winter coat. If we are having a terrible day, we just use the mantra- At least I have my pants on.

Gidge has made it past Laguardia and onto his plane for Maine by now. BeBe is home from work with the tourists, asking what we had for dinner. Mum, Mim and I had gone out to dinner at a farm to table kind of place with fried green tomatoes, broccoli casserole, and sweet potato soufflé. Mim ordered the sweet potato dish because Mum said that Aubee would have loved it. My dad died in January. Mim keeps him alive by pretending that he speaks through her and she uses a deep voice when she is being my dad, who we call Aubee.

Mim isn’t being disrespectful or morbid. She made it through a hard year. Her birth mom died, her cheerleading coach died (Kennedy, who was still a teenager) and my co-worker Lovey died and then her grandfather died. I have always said that when we see owls, it is my Aunt Kay or when we see pelicans, it is our Papa. And so she adopted that idea and made it her own. She can hear Aubee and he talks to her and she relays his messages. It can be wonderful, miraculously sweet, and it can be off putting. The fried chicken was pretty darn delicious and Cahill’s is a good stop in between the Savannah airport and Hilton Head Island where my mom lives. Cahill’s Chicken Kitchen will be frequented again by the three of us! Their field of sunflowers was at the point of dying but we will go earlier in the season next year. We brought home their peaches and tomatoes for tomorrow.

Dolly is at sleep away camp near Nashville, TN- the same camp that I went to and her aunts, sisters, and now her cousin. Luckily the campers will be spared the stupidty of the US magazine article selling disordered eating and other pains of social media and over phone use that moms fret over. The Marymount girls are swimming in a lake with algae, braving Tennessee heat without air conditioning and making friends for life while burning their initials into leather crafts.

Tuck is in Santa Cruz working at the surf shop and surfing. We are getting closer to his July visit and I am so anxious yo see him and his grown up self.

Addy is feeling awfully stressy because she and Ficken are moving out of her apartment and into a rental house. And moving is annoying, hot, frustrating and tumultuous. I am dying for her to concentrate on recovery and regain some ground over ED during summer her favorite season. Addy, listen to your mama- 1. Hire a painter for those two small jobs. 2. Take the dog babies to the babysitter so you have less to worry about. ILYSM.

BeBe is working on Hilton Head and enjoying a beachy two months with Mim and I. We are staying with my mom, Mum, who has a great view of the water and gives the best hugs. She is grieving and focusing on small things like remembering her pants.

I am typing in my mom’s guest room. Mim is next to me in the king size bed. She is furious with only one hand scratching her back and typing with the other. She alternates between writhing in the bed whining and stomping into the hallway. I can see her in the hall but i know exactly what she is doing- sitting on the tile floor naked except for a pullup, legs pulled up under her chin crying loudly and hating me just long enough to spit the words.

I give up. Good night. Don’t buy US magazine. #notbuyingUS

If you are confused by the names and the characters go back to my blog post- Cast of Characters. (click on the underlined title and it will take you right there.)

I am including a link to my dad’s obituary so you can get a feel for how awesome he is and why my mom is grieving.