No. I am not dating. Never. Well, never say never but most likely never. But I am re-in-love with Johnny Depp. I am anti Amber Heard, and I type that with a vengeance. She had the gaul to make herself part of the #metoo movement. Turning Johnny Depp into common enemy number one. Can you believe? Johnny.
I get my Johnny information from my pocket camera/phone. I am obsessed with Jessica Krauss @houseinhabit —please please enjoy her instagram programming on me. It is free glorious entertainment and amazing reporting with a splash of luxurious scandal. I particularly fall for the images and fleeting videos montages of young Johnny and Winona Ryder in their heyday. They ooze young love at the moment in time when I was in young love myself. The floods of familiarity and love in parents’ convertibles or hot tubs. The world was our oyster and Johnny was the pearl. Or Winona was the pearl. They were equally fine and deliciously infatuating to my teenage self.
If we may, let’s take a moment of silence to enjoy their beauty.
Is it the twinkle in her eyes? The indentation between his gorgeous cheek bones and his adorable jaw bones? That particular color of red on her lips. His hair behind his ears.
If we may, let’s take a moment of silence to enjoy their beauty.
To get back to Jessica though @houseinhabit – I would know none of this without her and I would not have been able to revisit these lovely people from heaven without her stories on Instagram. I have followed her for years, so basically, I am one of her best friends but she does not know I exist. I know her so well that I can imagine myself hanging out in her digs with renovation projects all around us and her sons entertaining us all. Mim would love her boys. I died when all her friends climbed a ladder into a nook of a loft in her gorgeous California home to view court tv together. One woman even hefted her angelic baby up there to sit with the other awesome mommies to gossip and hang in the hopes of communally preserving Johnny’s honor.
To be honest, I do not know who her husband is. I made up some stories in my mind to match what I see as their very romantic life. I romanticized their romantic. They are swoon worthy. Her boys are just as beautiful as you would imagine- obviously I am team Leon.
And back to Johnny on court.
Have I always been A Johnny lover? Not exactly. After Edward Scissorhands, I lost interest- not to mention I had six kids. Don’t hate me but I didn’t watch the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise. He looked like too over the top. And same with Charlie and the Chocolate Factory- I preferred Gene Wilder. Apparently, I am swayed easily by nostalgia. I avoid the movies after Harry Potter about the Beasts- because number 1. She who shall not be named is anti- transgender, and number 2. Harry Potter just got too scary for me after like movie #4. But I still loved in the deep recesses of my long term memory a young Johnny. And Jessica Krauss brought him back to life for me. I have a new appreciation for his way of speech, his dramatic and poetic flair, his two different earrings, and his ties. His desire to protect the truth because it is truth with a capitol T. We do hold some values to be valued. There are some non-negotiables. Even if you are Amber Heard or Elon Musk.
Jessica, Do you think Elon bought Twitter to distract us from the case? Or is it a coincidence that the case and the Twitter stuff is simultaneous?
I love Jessica for her passion. She loves those Hollywood stars who were done wrong- Liza Minelli, Britney, Susan Sarandon. She seeks out the stories where we suddenly all joined the crowd and collectively hated someone famous pulling the pedestal out from underneath their expensive heels. She doesn’t fall in line and agree with news blasts or headlines. She makes up her own mind based on what is really important!
May we all be more like Jessica Krauss- say what you think. Be who you are. Post what you like. Write what you love. Write what you want to say. Be real. Even if bits and pieces are not completely provable. Value your friends. Reinvent your job or facets of yourself to follow your passions. Love your children and their friends. And when Jesica loves someone she loves them hard even in full sight of their flaws (which we all have). She can talk with zeal about Amber’s ponytail or Johnny’s tie or the psychologist’s clarity. She builds up people with her descriptions and praise reminding me of Kaitlyn Deaver and Beanie Feldstein in Booksmart.
I know it is instagram, not reality. I do not actually know her. If you need some entertainment and Johnny Depp go kill some time and watch her stories. I am holding my breath because she said something about a full report on the whole case Sunday. As in, this Sunday.
Oh, I can’t stop here because her coverage of Ghislaine was eye opening. We let one woman go down for so many many powerful men. Epstein. Clinton. Prince Andrew. And we acted like we felt good about this serving of justice. Who are we? This is a justice system?
p.s. I am sad for Amber Heard a bit because I believe she has borderline personality disorder and that is tough to treat and must be horrible to live with.
Momoirist 
Johnny’s not gonna fuck you, babe. This is weird as hell. Get a life, creep.
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